Saturday, 29 March 2014

The theme to Toast by Matt Berry


This is what I'm listening to on permanent loop at the moment -- Matt Berry, that man on the IT Crowd and Doctor Sanchez in Garth Marenghi's Darkplace does loads of music.

Turns out the theme to Toast of London is one of his tracks.



My son loves this video, but I now have to explain why robots don't throw up.

And he doesn't know why I keep reloading it before the music finishes.

All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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TATTOO HANDS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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Friday, 28 March 2014

TATTOO HANDS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery

#54 - TATTOO HANDS



Crayola felt-tip pens, various. Model's own hands.

A literal interpretation of the frequently reminded rule "don't draw on the walls".

Or a foretaste of the inevitable tattoos to come.



Monochrome on the left.

Five colours (an intentional number) for the digits on the right.




The full gallery of toddler art is here...

Please feel free to send me your examples - Leave a comment below with any picture links!

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I think this is probably the wrongest clip that I've seen on Youtube - what's yours?


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Tuesday, 25 March 2014

I think this is probably the wrongest clip that I've seen on Youtube - what's yours?



There are probably many contenders for the title of "I think this is probably the wrongest clip that I've seen on Youtube"...

But I think this is probably the wrongest clip that I've seen on YouTube.



Someone doing Stevie Wonder on what seems to be a Stars In Their Eyes knockoff, or "Your Face Sounds Familiar" in Greece.

(Parodies always get caught up in these kind of finds, but that is real, right?)

Feel free to add yours to 'comments' below...


All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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My tweets from the scene of a train crash - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 24 March 2014

My tweets from the scene of a train crash - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- My tweets from the scene of a train crash -



Usually when this happens, I’m at the back of the delays trying to get some information on how likely it was that the trains would get moving again.



But this time, I was in the front carriage. So I thought I’d be generous, and help anyone at the back looking for news with what was causing them to be a couple of hours late home tonight.

Then it became clear that the thud I’d heard wasn’t a log or debris. It was a person.



We’d come to rest long beyond where it’d happened, but I tweeted pictures of the view to give an idea of where everyone was tweeting about.

I was very careful to not show any faces... it was just to paint a picture of the delay.

I started getting replies, questions even. Turns out there were maybe hundreds, even thousands back at the blocked terminus who, like me, were curious about what was going on and when we might be likely to get moving again. They are stranded, and they want to get home, to their families.



And it was with that voice that I passed on what was happening. Train driver and guards tweeted me insights to the procedures, and even what replacement schedules were being planned for when we started moving again.



Whoop we’re moving again! I honked - knowing this would be helpful for those gauging whether it was worth staying at their station or passing on an ETA to those expecting them at home.



The guard was incredibly helpful in passing on details to the train of what would happen next, and I felt for the driver who was currently going though a terrible moment in his life (while we were just trying to get home).

The End.

But that night I was contacted by someone asking for any more detail about the afternoon. Turns out - after a healthy chunk of suspicion and paranoia - that it was someone close to the victim, probably trying to make sense of the events that I had tweeted about in real time by going through the delay's official hashtag.

Suddenly, I realised the tweets that were meant to be helpful and on the side of the struggling commuter - my tribe - now, through someone else's POV, seem just oafish and dumb.

Whoop! We’re on the move again!

To thousands of people - the moment they could celebrate.

To one person though...

And the thing with The Great Disruption is... all of us are just that little bit closer now...


All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Yet Even More Granny Murray Sayings from "Me Too!"


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Sunday, 23 March 2014

Yet Even More Granny Murray Sayings from "Me Too!"


So the obsession with Granny Murray from “Me Too” continues...

Can't believe there are still more to add to the complete list of Granny Murray sayings, but here goes.

Now Remember...



Don't fiddle with what you don't understand.
(to Mickey John, "The Clock")

You can make everyday things look special
(to Tina, "The Disco Taxi")

Many hands make light work.
(to Raymond, "The School Trip")

Sometimes it's best to keep things simple.
(to Dr. Juno, "The Planetarium")

Some things are easier than you think.
(to Bobby, "Midnight Dancing")

Always be kind to animals.
(to Tina, "The Lost Mouse")

Bird watching can be so relaxing. It can make all your worries fly away.
(to Dr. Juno, "Fingal's Rock")

Adding these to
The Complete Collection Of Granny Murray From Me Too List of Sayings

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WINDOW HAND CREAM - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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Friday, 21 March 2014

WINDOW HAND CREAM - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery

#53 - WINDOW HAND CREAM



Cowshed Cow Pat Moisturising Hand Cream with essential oils of grapefruit and coriander, white, on Anglian uPVC windows, white

Not much to say on this one.



Think this speaks for itself.

It might be a fanciful reminder of Winter's past, or an attempt to obliterate the reality of life outside.

A call-to-action for a focus on the home.
Family even.



We hide all crayons, pens, pencils, paint, ink, inking devices, ballpoints, highlighters, felt-tips, and markers.



And now moisturising fluids and creams.

At least we can identify The Artist using analysis of fingerprints



...and lovely soft hands.


The full gallery of toddler art is here...

Please feel free to send me your examples - Leave a comment below with any picture links!

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Forgetting that you are in a public place - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Thursday, 20 March 2014

Forgetting that you are in a public place - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- Forgetting that you are in a public place -



My wife’s greatest fear for me is probably that I will forget where I am.

I don’t know what I do specifically, that she fears most that will be revealed - though I can take a guess, and don’t need to type it here. But we all have those things that we do at home, because we are at home. (We do though, right, don't we?)

Is it me? Is it getting over the 40 hillock? Is it being in London during the day? Or is it because it’s 2014 that people forget where they are when they are in public places?

In the Royal Festival Hall - in the middle of the day - in the middle of the lobby - the 30-something who takes his shoes and socks off - to inspect and clean his feet. This is happens regularly. Not an emergency piece of chiropody. It's his daily routine.

Or the 50-something who opens up the Daily Mail and on turning every page, lets out a loud gaffaw.

I was talking this over with my writing partner Tim Dann at the top of my voice while lotus-sitting on a table.
No, not really. That would be annoying for the people around us.

But it's weird that we’ve moved away from the Victorian public disapproval, so we don’t ostracise the man with some soup on his tie... or the lady with ladder in her stockings. And yet, you know, is it... better?

If there’s a completely empty train carriage - you don’t have to sit right opposite me to trough your 2 litre bottle of Pepsi.

And the tube isn’t the place to assemble a Naan.

Here's the thing that worries me though - it isn't about people forgetting themselves in public... Think it's about being oblivious to it in the first place.

Who's going to tell me?


All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Weird Verbs - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Tuesday, 18 March 2014

Weird Verbs - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- Weird Verbs -



My printer is a bit up itself.

It says "Please order more ink"

You boy! Please... order more ink.

I won't buy it on Amazon, or shoplift it from a Maplin.

No, I will “order” the ink.

Like it's a fine wine. Or food in a restaurant.

I will "order" the ink.

Before I "dump" the printer.

Because it "bust" the bank.




TV programmes do it as well. They use a really weird verb.

The voice at the end goes "For more behind the scenes footage, just “log-on” to the website".

"Log-on" - "Log-on to our website!"

Because "log-on" sounds so much more active, and sexy, than "look at".

Or “browse”.

Or “please manually type this URL into your computer so you can watch exactly the same kind of stuff that you're watching on the telly. Over there”.

All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Twix - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 10 March 2014

Yet More Peace Of Mind From Companies - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


Yet more companies offering me "Peace Of Mind"...

Hurrah! For Peace Of Mind...


EDF Energy even have a new Peace Of Mind contract...

Ah British Gas HomeCare®, there YOU are... AGAIN!



Peace Of Mind this time from British Gas HomeCare®



Complete Peace Of Mind from an Asus Nexus 7 10W Adapter and Cable as the battery never runs out!J10


All the pieces of Peace Of Minds are here

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Email - A new dimension in communications (1993) - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Sunday, 9 March 2014

Email - A new dimension in communications (1993) - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

Email - A new dimension in communications



Turns out the web is 25 years old this week.

By weird coincidence, found this - article from the University of Kent Newsletter, from exactly 21 years ago this week:
"Email - A New Dimension In Communications...

A message... sent using email will reach its destination in a matter of minutes...

Over 250 special interest discussion groups are already established..."
(Reproduced without permission. Another gift of the web.)



All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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RADIATOR COVER SMASH - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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Friday, 7 March 2014

RADIATOR COVER SMASH - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery

#52 - RADIATOR COVER SMASH



Homebase Richmond MDF Radiator Cover, White

My cousin Ben this week kindly and tentatively asked if the Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery was real.

You know, was it something we encourage - an effort to make our kids more creative.

No. It's real. But we hide everyting that could possibly be used or even connected to an artistic endeavour.
(Except for the much reminded Blackboard area).

The trouble is, when artworks appear... like Banksy... often they come to notice long after they have been perpetrated. We don't encourage it, and scold where effective. But over time, new ones emerge.

Like this one:



Anger or mishap has been used to create a greater negative space than the brain or the heart predicts.

Something tells you that something bad has happened here.

Because it has.

But it is in the past now.
And must be repaired.



The full gallery of toddler art is here...

Please feel free to send me your examples - Leave a comment below with any picture links!

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World Book Day Costumes - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Thursday, 6 March 2014

World Book Day Costumes - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- World Book Day Costumes -

Happy World Book Day!

For an industry obsessed with copyright infringement, how wonderful that for one day it encourages abominations like this.



It's all about dressing up as something from your favourite book.

We're already trying out some designs inspired from the 2013 IKEA catalogue.



All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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The Dumb Choice Challlenge - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Monday, 3 March 2014

The Dumb Choice Challlenge - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

The Dumb Choice Challenge

Had to do a list of questions for a “celebrity” for a thing.

Behold, the Dumb Choice Challenge:



Brown sauce, Ketchup, or Mayo?

Boys, Girls or Dogs?

Reading, Writing or Music?

Long shower, Short Bath, or Swim?

Manchester, Barcelona or LA?

Pink, Yellow, or Purple

Broken toe, Broken arm, or Broken nose?

New haircut, New tattoo, or New baby?

New shoes, New suit, or New underwear?

Sat Nav, Chauffeur, or Horseback?

Toffee, Chocolate, or Treacle sponge?

Wine, Beer or Cocktail?

Twilight, Harry Potter, or High School Musical?

Herbal Tea, Decaff coffee, or Soya Milk?

Chocolate, Vanilla, or Strawberry?

Slippers, Socks, or Flip Flops?

Sun, Sea or Sand?


Miss any others?

All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Bathtime Song - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS


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Sunday, 2 March 2014

Bathtime Song - DAD LESSONS FOR MY KIDS

- Bathtime Song -



Socks in the basket, and
Pants in the basket and
Shorts in the basket and
T-shirt in the basket and

You are going into the bath...
...you're gonna be washing your hair.

All my 2014 Dad Lessons For My Kids are here

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Even more Granny Murray sayings...


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Saturday, 1 March 2014

Even more Granny Murray sayings...


So the obsession with Granny Murray from “Me Too” continues...

Now Remember...



dirty or clean, some things are good for comfort.
(to Dr. Juno, “The Operation”)

it’s fun to make things happen with the things that you have.
(to Tina, “Tricks”)

there’s always help just round the corner.
(to Rudi, “Granny Murray’s Potato Recipes”)

there are some things you just have to do.
(to Bobbi, “I Want To Say Goodnight”)

there’s always more than meets the eye.
(to Bobbi, “Fruit Bus”)

I like to be able to picture where things happen in stories.
(to Mickey John, “Fantastical”)

it’s amazing what you can learn from listening to people.
(to Rudi, “Ratatouille”)

take one thing at a time.
(to Raymond, “Snooze”)

just wait for a break in the clouds and all will be fine.
(to Mickey John, “Sports Day”)

just take things one step at a time and you’ll get where you want to go.
(to Tina, “The Airport”)

you should take your own advice.
(to Dr. Juno, “A Funny Turn”)

neat goes small.
(to Tina, “Fashion Show”)

good things are always worth waiting for.
(to Rudi, “Strawberries”)

everyone likes a good laugh.
(to Tina, “I Like To Laugh”)



a washing machine can work wonders.
(to Dr. Juno, “Laundry”)

sometimes simple is best.
(to Bobbi, “Robot”)

clearing up should be entertaining.
(to Raymond, “Popcorn Express”)

I’m fine if I follow the signs.
(to Tina, “Find Your Way”)

there’s really nothing like teamwork to get things done.
(to Rudi, “Market Cries”)



animals usually know what’s best for them.
(to Bobbi, “The Pet”)

you have all the colours of the Harlequin to make the day bright.
(to Dr. Juno, “Harlequin Day”)

getting out and about is such a treat.
(to Mickey John, “The Treat”)



you don’t need to know how to drive to have fun in a car.
(to Tina, “The Driving Lesson”)

clear the decks.
(to Raymond, “Water Water Everywhere”)

signs help to sell things.
(to Rudi, Signs”)



sometimes it helps to turn things upside down and back to front.
(to Dr. Juno, “Castle Rocks”)

make the most of your time.
(to Tina, “The Fancy Dress”)

everyone has their happy side.
(to Bobby, “Give A Wave Day”)

Don’t be glum, join in and have some fun.
(to Raymond, “Creative Train”)

I do love everything to be spic and span.
(to Rudi, “Rubbish”)



sometimes there’s more space than you think.
(to Tina, “Parking”)

there’s all sorts of things you can learn from a fairground.
(to Mickey John, “Lolly Sticks”)

every picture tells a story.
(to Bobby, “Story Bus”)

There’s a place for everything.
(to Rudi, “Everything Has Its Place”)


Adding these to
The Complete Collection Of Granny Murray From Me Too List of Sayings

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SHIP OF TIN CANS - Friday Night Toddler Art Gallery


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