Thursday, 30 April 2015

My son blowing up my phone. With another gadget. #britishdadstuff



We're raising a generation who hate growing up seeing their parents glued to their stupid phones.

My son made this to drop a hint, that I'm being rude.

He used an app, to drop a hint, that I spend too much time on the phone.

While I was on my phone.

2015. What happened to the eyeroll.


You're being rude, Daddy. adventures of a #tightwaddad


All my ADVENTURES OF A BRITISH DAD here

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Dumb Dad Driving Thoughts


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Wednesday, 29 April 2015

Dumb Dad Driving Thoughts



"You never see inside those prison vans.

Who knows if they're wearing seat belts.

Hate to think they're breaking the law in there."


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(please excuse its appearance... it needs updating & cleaning up)

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All about the hypermarket... (adventures of a #TightwadDad)


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Tuesday, 28 April 2015

All about the hypermarket... (adventures of a #britishdadstuff)



You know you're a tightwad Dad when...

You call it the hypermarket,

because that's the effect it has on the kids.


(By the way, love that we've got that Lidl freezer bag slung on the back of the Asda trolley.

So it's okay to mix up the brands when it comes to saving the envrionment.

Makes me want to drink in Starbucks with a Costa cup... live on the wild side.)


All my ADVENTURES OF A BRITISH DAD are here

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Tightwad Dad ideas to change the world - backs of remote controls


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Monday, 27 April 2015

Tightwad Dad ideas to change the world - backs of remote controls



You know you're a tightwad Dad when...

You carry on coming up with #tightwaddad Ideas To Change The World:

Remote controls pre-fitted with sellotape over the battery flap.

For before the family snaps it off.


UPDATE. In the 3 days since that photo was taken.

The sellotape and the back are now broken and lost.

BETTER idea:

Make the backs of remote controls out of Sellotape to start with.



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Dumbing down your speeches can touch more people, but how can you grade your words? (Cool stuff on the web)


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Sunday, 26 April 2015

Dumbing down your speeches can touch more people, but how can you grade your words? (Cool stuff on the web)



Love this... Someone introduced me to the Flesch-Kincaid readability scale

It's a way to size up the words you're using, and how hard they are to follow.
Or...
It's an algorithm which measures the sophistication of the language you are employing.


That first sentence
It's a way to size up the words you're using, and how hard they are to follow.



Scores a readability on the Flesch-Kincaid Scale of 95
Which is a 4th Grade US School reading level (understandable to 9-10 Year Olds)

And the other sentence...
"It's an algorithm to measure the sophistication of the language you are employing."

Scores a lower readability on the Flesch-Kincaid Scale of 57
Which is an 11th Grade US School reading level (understandable to 16-17 Year Olds)



(And I also like that the site measuring it shows this with the colour yellow instead of green...!)


Turns out, President Obama's last State Of The Union speech was pitched at the level of a 10th Grader (about a 14 Year Old)...

...and according to Vocativ that was his highest level of speech during his Presidency.

They created this graphic to show how that compares with other Presidents



The full details and interactive graphics for every year's speech are at this link to Vocativ's article here.


Stand-ups get this.

It's much easier to make an audience laugh at something if you use the shortest way to get the idea across...

- which often means the bluntest and plainest words.
If you have to work harder to register the words, they risk getting in the way of the joke. (One showrunner calls it "wordf**king" the script.)

Anyway, you can measure the readability of any website or block of text at read-able.com



Link here.


Gawd, that was a long post. Least my website's reading level is 5th Grade - understandable by 10-11 Year Olds.




Here's a link to all the other cool stuff I've found on the web

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Comedy writing how to... Another list of things that are Sacred and Profane


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Friday, 24 April 2015

Comedy writing how to... Another list of things that are Sacred and Profane

Putting the wrongest things together is a handy excercise for comedy and drama writing.

Every Friday, adding to this big list of SACRED AND PROFANE.


(A carpark. Profane.)

SACRED

Nursery
Love which endures
Philanthropy
Paddle boats
Crops
Silence
Brotherly love
Home cooking
Cancer survivor
School project
PROFANE

Annual results
Mega-trucks
Tobacco
Litter
Conveyor belt
Multi-storey carpark
Jumbo 747
Toilet paper/tampons
Serial Killer
Reality shows

So... from these tiny lists, some first-grab sacred and profane combinations:

a reality show set in a nursery,
loving a serial killer (death row dames)
handing out free toilet paper
and a school project to grow the best tobacco.


But the full list of Sacred and Profane is here...

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Yet even more Rules for our House 2015... The John Lewis-y one... #tightwaddad


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Thursday, 23 April 2015

Yet even more Rules for our House 2015... The John Lewis-y one... #britishdadstuff



You know you're a tightwad dad when...

You have Yet Even More Rules For Our House 2015.

I was on the laptop, and my son asked me what I was looking at.

I'm looking at John Lewis.

"I hate John Lewis". he replied.

You do not hate John Lewis.

John Lewis is your best friend.
Oh, yeah.

No throwing.

Well done for adding that one already.

All my ADVENTURES IN MY BRITISH DAD STUFF here

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Tightwad Dad ideas: how to do toilet roll holders... (adventures of a #tightwaddad)


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Tuesday, 21 April 2015

I'm still a tightwad dad with another 45p can of ASDA deodorant and a pen. Any ideas how to make it look like a £2.99 one? #BritishDadStuff


"I'm a tightwad dad with a 45p can of deodorant and a pen.
Any ideas how to make it look like a £2.99 one?"
When this went out last week, here's some of what came back.



- Write £2.99 on it, in a posh font.

- Hand write "Ghia" in a flowing cursive script in that small white space under the word "price". Don't worry if it overlaps the other words.

- Add some letters - make ASDA, SNASDA; Add a questionmark after Smart; Change Price to priceless. Draw a picture of a hot Scandinavian underneath, partially clad, posing as if to say - I'm sexy - come on world, deal with it. Snasda smart? Priceless.

- Write ACTIVE in the white space underneath.

Behold.



THIS is worth £2.99.

Not sure I got the Hot Scandinavians right.


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Four of my First World Problems... for tightwad dads...


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Monday, 20 April 2015

Four of my First World Problems... for tightwad dads...

You know you're a tightwad dad...

...when you have Tightwad Dad First World problems.



Bad cutlery handed out with supermarket ready meals


That Village People track that you want to watch right now is
"Not Available In Your Territory"


Thanking your barista more profusely than your child's school teacher.


The thread on your jacket being frayed in the logo.

The first damn letter of the logo.




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I've always dry shaved... never wet... - adventures of a tightwad dad


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Sunday, 19 April 2015

I've always dry shaved... never wet... - adventures of a tightwad dad


(Sorry.
It is a shaving selfie.
A shelvie.)


I've always dry shaved... Never wet.

That's weird.

Only ever using shavers, never blades.

So I'll never know if I am a Gillette Mach or the Other One (Fusion. Thank you. I had to look that up)

If I were a woman, I somehow know that would use pads rather than the other ones.


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Every single Oscar screenplay script... cool stuff on the web


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Friday, 17 April 2015

Thinking up more Sacred and Profanes... comedy writing stuff...

Thunked up some more Sacred and Profane - the worst things to put together...

SACRED

Mountain tops
Backing singers
National costume
Nursery rhymes
Cycling
Family love
Romantic love
Shared experience
Self respect
Love of humanity
PROFANE

Baseball caps
Banking
Brick viaducts
One night stand
Torture
Illuminated advert dustbins
Soiled hands
Sauce
Fast food
Boardroom

So from these wrongs... a family hug in a boardroom, a burger and chips up a mountain top, a group shared moment of torture...
Doubly profane, having a one night stand on an advert dustbin...
doubly good, backing singers on a mountain top and the bicycle made for two.

but the better combos are from the full list, which is here

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NASA soundcloud... cool stuff on the web...


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Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Turn it over, son... How it's easy to get my kid to be a remote control for our remote control #BRITISHDADSTUFF



Dad laughed when I asked my 6 yr old Son to get me the remote.

"Granddad" explained to him that when "Daddy" was young, we didn't have remote controls...

...and he used to get me to change the channels.

Until I was seven.

Then I didn't want to do it any more.

Get the feeling it's something that all Dads do.

Back in caveman times, they'd get the boy to change the logs on the fire.


From BRITISH DAD STUFF

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I'm a tightwad dad with a 45p can of deodorant and a pen. Any ideas how to make it look like a £2.99 one? Adventures of a #TightwadDad


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Tuesday, 14 April 2015

I'm a tightwad dad with a 45p can of deodorant and a pen. Any ideas how to make it look like a £2.99 one? #britishdadstuff









Seven months later...





And for completeness...




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I want my name. Inscribed. On a bench. - adventures of a #tightwaddad


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Monday, 13 April 2015

I want my name. Inscribed. On a bench. #BritishDadStuff



You know you're a tightwad Dad when...

You want your name inscribed on a bench, even though you're not dead.

How do you get one of those?

And when you do, how much writing can you get on them?

In Brighton there's a maximum of 50 letters - and a cost of 85p plus VAT for each additional character.
(The first half of that sentence is 50 letters. How many extra letters do they let you have, if you're good for it).

Or would you try to save money by abbreviating words?

Worthing... the next town along the coast, charges £1300. Three hundred quid more.


If you wanted to save money, maybe you'd shop around the local councils and get the best bang-per-bench.

In Battersea, this bench (£1000)



Costs £250 more than this bench (£750)



But I reckon you could get more words onto that second bench.

And then there's how long it'll last - the councils promise different numbers of years to factor into the price.
(Battersea 3 years minimum, then it's on its own... Westminster 10 years, no quibble. Richmond puts a finger in the wind somewhere between £1200 and £1400 with no mention of longevity.

And are there bootleg benches?

Like Guerilla Gardeners.

If you managed to find a good lookalike - trade prices - maybe inscribe it yourself, and lug it into the park.

Would it get chucked out?


BRITISH DAD STUFF here

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More stuff that's Sacred & Profane... Comedy writing theory...


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Monday, 6 April 2015

More stuff that's Sacred & Profane... Comedy writing theory...

The worst things to put together - sacred and profane - to generate new writing ideas...

SACRED


(Soil/Earth/Loam)

Grandparents
Birth
Progress
Hardback Novel
Poetry
Opera
Nursing
Toddlers
Soil
Cottage
PROFANE


(Translation: Garbage Truck)

Abortion
Ban
Video game
Advertising
Jingle
Swearing
Skyscrapers
Rubbish Truck
Wrought Iron
Sponsorship

So a Virtual Grandparent Video Game is sacred & profane,
double sacred is a hardback poetry book, or toddlers making progress,
and sponsorship on a rubbish truck is doubly profane...

My full lists of Sacred and Profane... is here.

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How the Leaders Debate 2015 went down in our house...


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Sunday, 5 April 2015

How the Leaders Debate 2015 went down in our house...





















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May we ask again, What's In Your Fruitbowl? #WhatsInYourFruitBowl


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