Tuesday, 5 July 2016
My gas company wants to know my kids date of birth #BritishDadStuff
You know that you're a Great British Dad...
...when you sing like a canary every time a company wants to data-mine you.
I got really data-mined hard yesterday.
I gave good data.
I went to close an account with a water company, and they wanted my mobile number.
Maybe it’s so they can reach me if there’s a problem with closing the account.
And my email address.
Maybe to tell me the account is closed.
Then they wanted my date of birth.
My date of birth.
So I’m on the phone, to close the account...
...now trying to work out if I should give this privately-owned utility service and infrastructure company the exact moment I came into creation, being and existence.
Maybe it’s because they want to throw me a birthday party.
Or maybe it's more sinister...
They want to know when the waters broke, so their waters can make me broke.
(Why do I always think up these 3 days after the phonecall.)
If they get my date of birth, then they know exactly how old I'm getting...
I’m going to be weeing a lot more, so maybe they can charge me more.
But it’s more likely to be in my pants, so the joke’s on them.
My energy company - while I’m trying to change tarriff - wanted the date of birth... of my kids.
Of course, it’s in the event of a catastrophic emergency, they can prioritise the vulnerable in the area.
But why can’t I just give their ages?
When have you ever known an energy company using kid's birthdays for operational reasons.
So it’s completely normal for your electricity provider to be obsessed about the fertility of your household.
Maybe they’re trying to work out if their power cuts lead to babies. 9 months later.
I know what’s going on here.
I think they want to supply gas, electricity...
...and a big-ass surprise cake.
Yeahhhh. I'm on to them.
They’ve got the gas to bake it.
My complete guide to Understanding Your British Dad will come together here. I promise. I printed it out in Word today to see how it looks, and everything.
I wrote for JazzDuck - a free Amazon Prime pilot kids show - what now, is up to you...