Tuesday, 2 May 2017
Have you ever been kicked in the face? aka Buying shoes for my daughter. #DadDirt
You know that you are a Great British Dad when...
...you know just the right thing to say.
In a department store you can guess, children’s shoe shop part which is that brand. My Long-Suffering Wife (LSW) weirdly letting me field this one and in an entirely unconnected note the saleswoman is a perky attractive 20-something amongst tired noisy families letting behaviour slide with the metal contraptions that measure width (and guilt) of kids’ feet that change by the week.
What was she before?
(INSIDE) This pause is going on too long. Like when the bank asked for her Date Of Birth. I'll look to my wife like I am taking in this information.
I look to my LSW who is smiling, because she knows I have no idea.
9½. You’ve gone up a size!
She’s sat on my lap with the Saleswoman at my knees.
Like I'm some kind of Rasputin.
And I’ve got to look like I’m interested in any of this, but I can’t look at my daughter’s feet without the perky Saleswoman's loose top in my eyeline.
But I can’t look away because that’ll show how uninterested I am in these trainers.
This is a good fit.
(INSIDE) Don’t look down her top.
Uh huh. (INSIDE) Don’t look down her top. Don’t look down her top.
I accidentally but completely see down her top.
How about these ones?
(INSIDE) I didn’t mean to.
My daughter waves her feet around.
Have you ever been kicked in the face?
Perky Saleswoman perks even more.
All the time. Once in the mouth... Another time so hard, it knocked one of my piercings clean out.
The Sales Woman giggles.
We all giggle.
We’ll take them. Thank you.
Then stagger away through the Saturday chaos.
Can I keep them on?
Thank god that’s over.
When you got up this morning, did you think you’d ask a woman if she’s ever been kicked in the face?
My Wife vs the naked plasterer #DadDirt
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