Monday, 13 November 2017

Kids app developers. And what goes on in their heads #DadDirt



TAYLOR approaches TODD’S work space - ergonomic desk and balance ball chair.

TAYLOR
Hey Todd.

TODD is bashing code into his 3-screen computer.

TODD
HEY TAYLOR!

TAYLOR gestures to his tablet, worried.

TAYLOR
Dude sorry I’ve got to cut in again--

TODD
No worries.

TODD gestures TAYLOR to sit on an office-chair-ball too.

TAYLOR
You remember this app we’re rolling out for children?

TODD
Yeah the one you wanted to be the multi-platform experience kids have never seen before.

TAYLOR
Yeah. It’s still a bit... “buggy”.

TODD calls it up on his keyboard.

TODD
We’ll iron those crinkles now - shoot!

TAYLOR
On level 6--

TODD
I LOVE level 6.

TAYLOR
Yeah, this is where we were hoping the kids would be totally engaged.
Immersed, even.
But level 6 is like--
(reads tablet)
“Put this thing down now.
Go and get some daylight.”

TODD
(high five)
Awesome - no?!

TAYLOR
That’s all it says.

TODD
Right. That’s all of level 6.

TAYLOR
Which comes after levels 1-5.
(reads)
“Now put this down and hug the person you love the most.”

(swipes)
“Step outside and breathe.”

(swipes)
“It’s a cosmic miracle you are here right now.
This place, this time.
Turn it off.”

(swipes)
“We love you.” -- That’s all it just says.

(swipes)
And “Let’s kill 12 more seconds of your young life with some more of this inconsequential irrelevance.”

TODD
(finger kiss)
Level 5.

TAYLOR
Todd... Do you... Do you like doing this job?

TODD
(thinks)
Yeah. It’s pretty, powtastic.

TAYLOR
It’s just that every kids app you make, compares what we do... us... that we get paid money to do... it’s like...

TODD
...It’s like we’re trying to get kids to smoke cigarettes.

TAYLOR
That’s probably not what I was reaching for.
But that seems to be what you’re saying.
In every app, game and multi-platform experience you create--

TODD
Is it the font? I can change the font.

TAYLOR
It’s not the font.
It’s the helping kids to stop using devices.
It’s not helping us.

TODD
Right. It’d be like a cigarette company killing off its customers.

TAYLOR
Exactly. Yes.
(then)
No! Look, we’ve decided to move you over to a new project.
(pulls out ANOTHER TABLET)
Apps for Babies.

The TABLET pings up a BABY-FRIENDLY LOGO.

TODD
I am, like - way - ahead of you.
I’ve been working on this.

TODD’S TABLET plays baby-friendly music as he hands it over to TAYLOR.

TABLET
Ahh-Ah-Ah!
Nooooo.
Noooooooo.
Uh-oh.
No.
No.
(disapproving grunts)
Don’t touch.
Non.

TODD
(headphones on)
You’re welcome.


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